September 27th, 2011

Gerard - Heaven

(no subject)

Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me?
She rocks back and forth with her hair clenched in her hands, her frame wracked with sobs that you can't hear anymore over her constant stream of Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me?
She brings to mind the rocking chair, unused, in your granmother's parlor. You can't answer her, but she continues, relentless, questioning some far-off God or someother. Why did you leave me?
It's cruel to watch her like this, not consoling or kinder, just leaving her be. Her eyes are glazed and she's no longer here anyway, so you approach her and kneel to stare into her face. Her hair hangs dull and limp where she isn't twisting it from her skull, obscuring like a tattered curtain her once full lips and bright eyes. Her lips barely move, but still she chants Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me?
And here is where your heart should wrench. Your chest should constrict leaving you short of breath and wet at the eyes, your hands should clench to fists, and you should stand, overwraught at the sight of your mother rocking like a shellshocked soldier in the trenches. 
Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me?
She's lost her husband, he's announced his death in tiny scrawl on a scrap torn from a magnetic refridgerator notepad: I can't take this anymore. I'm sorry. I love you. His body found in an underground parking garage, stinking and rotting from days of being left in the car, the back of his skull blown all over the interior. She thought he was missing, thought he'd run off with another woman. She'll never forgive herself for cursing his name while he lay cold, dead, alone.
Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me? Why did you leave me?
She'll kill herself tonight, after you leave her alone here, in this house that still smells of him and you'll never forgive yourself.
All you'll be able to think when you hear the news is Why did you leave me?